Posted on February 05th, 2014 in Uncategorized
You have probably seen those lists of what not to say to your skinny friend, your overweight friend, single friend, pregnant friend and on and on. These can be fun to read and laugh at the comments we have heard.
Is it really healthy to have these lists of comments that are acceptable to be offended at? Or for me to feel like I’m in an exclusive club where me and other moms with several kids can be victims together and take offense in the “insensitive” comments that we have all heard.
We have all said insensitive things to others. There are so many times I wish I could turn the clock back and change something I said or did. Then I am unsure if I should apologize for a potentially offensive comment or if that person would be offended if I assumed that they were offended – I can drive myself crazy doing that
We have all also had offensive things said to us and the good news is that we can choose how to react to those comments. Here are a some ways that I have thought of:
1. Put a positive spin on the comment. Say if your at the dessert table for the second time at an event and someone says “you know that’s all going to go to your hips, right?” Respond with something like “It’s a good thing I’m happy with the way my body looks”. Hearing yourself say positive things about yourself out loud could help improve your perception about yourself and you can bet that person will think twice before making a similar comment again.
2. Get Busy. The busier we are the less time we have to think of ways that we are offended or even realize that we should be offended by something. Engage yourself in a hobby or serving others.
3. Surround yourself with positive people. The more good that we see and hear the less negativity will have an impact on us.
4. Accept imperfection. As I mentioned above, we all unintentionally offend others which means we have to expect that others will unintentionally offend us.
5. Celebrate other’s successes. When someone makes a comment that can remind you that you are still single, or not pregnant or still in school – whatever it is that you wish you were not, it can really hurt. When you can truly celebrate and be happy for other people who achieve what you are still striving for you are much less likely to feel offended.
6. Change your perspective. Now this is where I struggle the most. There are a couple areas which I am easily offended. I know if I truly change my perspective and not allow those comments or actions to offend me and then well it wouldn’t offend me.
7. Speak up. There is absolutely nothing wrong with gently telling someone that they hurt your feelings. The quicker you say something the quicker you can move on from negative feelings.
8. “Assume the good and doubt the bad”. I love this quote from Jeffrey R. Holland. Just assume that the comment or action was not meant to offend.
9. Think positive thoughts. If a comment really bothers us so much that it is affecting our relationship with that person, thinking of something positive that person as said or done may help.
10. Be humble. Allowing our weaknesses to humble ourselves allows us to be more forgiving and understanding of others faults.
What has helped you to overcome being easily offended?